Heartache and Hope on the Homestead

Amber Johnson is our 2024 Homesteader in Residence. Her posts invite you to pull up a seat at the table, and partake in the unique joys, challenges, and hopes of life on a small homestead. This is her March installment.

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Every year my husband and I go for a date on New Year's Day and discuss goals for the upcoming year. We Dream big and write small.

I'm a planner. I'm a list maker. I have my year broken down into Intentional Steps. I have an overview five-year-plan. I love highlighters and garden diagrams. This is the time we set aside to look the upcoming year: schedules, finances, and needs.

We also choose our Word for the year. Most times it's things like Simplicity, Cultivate, Intentional. I focus my daily around this Word and our Plans.

This year, I felt Hygge was needed.

hygge
1 of 2. noun.
hyg·​ge ˈhyü-gə  ˈhü-  ˈhu̇-
a cozy quality that makes a person feel content and comfortable

hygge
2 of 2. adjective.
invoking or fostering a sense of coziness, contentment, and well-being

My soul requires more cozy moments. I have worked hard for years, and felt I needed to be intentional to add softness.

More cozy nights playing card games with my family, slowing down and truly enjoying my morning coffee, the soft glow of twinkle lights or the fire flame dancing. More moments that make the mundane so incredibly magical.

It's taken a lot of practice to not rush to the next chore, but to linger longer, soaking in the beauty and serenity around me. Chores can wait a moment, but the moments don't wait.

So far, this year has been a lesson on how to sit still. In just a few days my Beloved will have his spine fused in an emergency surgery.

My husband's C4and C5 are in need of immediate repair. With him having Multiple Sclerosis, he hadn't noticed any irregular symptoms. He's always in nerve pain. His balance isn't always the best.

He was diagnosed with MS in 2002 when we were just young kids in love. It's the only life we've known together. His spinal issues took months to hone in for an accurate diagnosis, and will take months to fully recover. He also has multiple fractures in his knee cap and will require a Knee Replacement. 2024 is a year of Repair.

I've wiped my New Years Day Dream Board clean. My focus has been shifted on the immediate and the months of recovery to follow. New lists have been made for the new Realities. I'm preparing my heart and home for the surgeries, and all it entails.

So much is deeper than the surface when one lives off grid. Making sure the batteries are filled with distilled water, a plow guy for the random March storm, making sure I have my barns filled with hay for the following months to come.

When to prune the fruit trees for optimal growth and harvest. Building birthing pens and restocking birthing kits for when the time arrives for Shadow's lambs to be born.

As I check off my list, I want to appreciate each task and all it does to create a homestead that flows smoothly. Mostly. Let's be honest, somedays, no matter how much one prepares, the day is just chaos and ends up with take out and paper plates.

This year may not bring the piglets I had hoped for, or the grand garden I may have plotted in my diagrams, and on Pinterest. There's a lot of Dreams that are on hold right now.

But that's just it. It's on hold. Tucked away in the palm of my hand, and ever close. Life happens, and when you're on a Homestead, life happens fast. The Seasons change. The flowers fade for another set to blossom. The sounds of animals is constant. For this, I'm thankful.

This Season of our lives will also change. The gardens will be full of radiant colors again. But I'm not sure if it will be this year. This year, I might have to shop local and fully support my neighboring farms.

This year might be gleaning more information and working more on the skills I'm currently working on with the sheep and goats. And that's OK. Life is unpredictable. Illness comes. Chronic pain and struggles are something that isn't going to go away, so we make Space for it.

We trust Life to hold enough wonder and blessings for us, even if it's seemingly out of reach for the moment. There's still so much magic to be witnessed in the moments.

Soon there will be precious lambs joyfully bouncing and sleeping cuddled into my children's arms. Soon the first flowers will emerge from the Winters blanket, and fragrance shall gently scent the Spring Breeze. In the midst of heartache and unknown, there's always a spirit of Hope.

I'm so grateful to have Amber Johnson as our 2024 Homesteader in Residence, and hope you enjoyed this March installment from her!

Spoiler alert: Amber's husband has now come through surgery, and as a family they're walking the road of his very challenging recovery. If you'd like to bless their family during this time, you can do that (even from a distance) through the mealtrain website.

If you missed Amber's January or February installments, you can find those right here. Cheers! ~ Anna