Look at your cat all curled up and tucked in on your bed. So soft, so fluffy, so innocent...or is she? Is your feline friend snuggling up close because she loves your head bumps? Or has this miniature killing machine, claws at the ready, been secretly plotting your demise all along? Read these twelve signs and don't be caught off guard by that crafty kitten.
1. Stalking You
Aww, how cute, your cat is playing a game with you! She travels low to the ground, never flinching, crouching behind a wall or your sofa, watching your every move, and, at just the right moment, POUNCE! she got you! But wait, is she just playing, or is she testing your reflexes?
2. 3 AM Zoomies
Surely your sweet little kitty has been possessed by a demon from hell. Pupils wild, ears back, ripping through your home like a race horse with its tail on fire, those are the 3 AM zoomies. This erratic behavior is just a clever ploy to keep you sleep-deprived and off-guard. A few nights of this, and there is not enough caffeine in the world to keep you alert enough to suspect her schemes.
3. Bringing you mice/birds
No, these are not gifts. No, your cat doesn't think you're just a bad hunter. These are warnings. This is your cat saying "See, this is what my claws and teeth and well poised muscles are capable of doing. Watch your back, human."
4. Chirping at Birds
Does your indoor cat sit in the window and chirp at the birds outside? No, she isn't longing for those birds to be in her food dish. She's actually communicating with them in code. They are in cahoots...to bring you down.
5. Rubbing Up Against Your Legs
Isn't it obvious? She's trying to trip you. On purpose. Constantly walking underneath your feet, or suddenly appearing by your feet just as you are taking a step both fall into this category, too. She is just hoping that, one of these times, you will plumet to your death.
6. Knocking Over Your Things
Pushing your water glass off of the coffee table, looking you right in the eye as she does it, despite your pleas for her to stop...this is just a power move. "Human, you can cry and beg and scream all that you want, I'll never give in. These are MY rules. You have no power here."
7. Jumping on the Counters
In this same vein as knocking over your breakable items, this is merely a show of dominance. "Human, this is MY house. I run this joint." And in case you try to curb this behavior, she will simply jump on top of the refrigerator or on top of your cabinets, just so she can glare down at you, her sniveling subject.
8. Kneading on Your Arm
Have you ever noticed that when your cat is vigorously making biscuits on your arm or any other part of your body that she sometimes digs her claws in a bit too much? Yeah, it hurts, and no, it's not an accident. Plus, she needs to keep tabs on your physical strength for certain...calculations.
9. Meowing for Food When Her Dish is Full
All is well until your cat can see just a centimeter of the bottom of her food dish. Then, all hell breaks loose. The meowing, the yowling, the pawing, the dramatics! She isn't really starving as she would have you believe, this is merely a test of how far she can push you before you will collapse like a lego tower.
10. Loafing
Cats are little transformers. When your cat morphs into a loaf of bread, or when she becomes a liquid and fits herself into the shape of any space she may occupy, she is showing you how easy it is for her to blend into any environment...and hide the bodies.
11. Staring You Down
Have you ever looked up from your laptop or your TV only to see those endless, unblinking orbs shooting daggers at you from across the room? She is sizing you up, your physique, your mood, your breathing, the blood pumping through your veins...she needs all of this information to plan her attack, which is sooner than you may think.
12. Snuggling
Snuggling? But that's the most innocuous behavior on this list! But remember, cats are sly, devious little creatures. Once she is nestled in your arms, she has certainly beguiled you, for that means that you trust her enough to let her predator self in close...close enough to kill.
It's a jungle out there and YOU are the prey...your cunning cat has something up her claws. Beware!
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